This journey I have been  on has taught me alot. As i look back at the person i was before august 28 2014 all the little things that I used to worry about now seem so insignificant. My job I deal with alot of people  and have heard some sad stories .Some about people who have lost both there children, that person who lost there grandson in freak accident on there farm  and now carries tremendous guilt,that person who is young and just got married and has a young child and got a cancer diagnosis  but comes in every week smiling and a upbeat  and gives me a hug every week I see her . That one woman who husband left her when she got her cancer diagnosis but was the most positive  person i ever meant never said a bad thing about anyone and did so much for others. That one patient who is young and so sick and is laying in a hospital bed and looks at me and asks how my day is and if im okay.  That mom you sit in a room with and she cries on your shoulder because she was told her daughter is going to die. That mom who son overdosed and has to let him go and you stand by her side the entire time . I can go on  and on about all the people i have meant and the stories I  have heard . My point is everyone has a story some good some bad. Life is to short to stress the small stuff and sometimes people need to take a step back look around them and realize that there  life may not be that bad. Albert Einstein  once said there are only two ways to live your life one as though nothing is a miracle the other is that everything  is a miracle

 

As I am coming up on the two year anniversary of my son death. Hard to believe right it seems like yesterday Here I am almost two years later and as look back a year ago I  never thought I would be where I am today. A year ago I was laying on my couch for two weeks didnt go to  work,grocery store,clean my house, or do everyday things . My first day back at work i made it until 1pm and then sat down for lunch and burst into tears and had to go home.  My sons 21st birthday  would have been november 9 2015 thought dont take the day off go to work keep busy take your mind off it. I made it 5 minutes at work and went home I couldnt do it thanks Lori for the use of your jacket as my tissue   Do I still cry yes sometimes it happens when im having a good day. But Im finding it is getting less and less will I ever forget him no of course not. I treasure all 19 years I had with my son and all the memories. They are memories i will carry with me forever until i see my son again. The pain never goes away it just lessens with time and you start to realize its okay  to laugh  and be happy . I used to think that me laughing and being happy means I wasnt thinking of my son and that he cant laugh and be happy. But now i realize this isnt true laughing is good for you and doesnt mean you have forgotten about them

Good morning Its another day and i made it thru another week not that it isnt difficult  sometimes somedays are harder than others but someone said to me the other day that i am a strong woman and they dont know how i do it I simply said this i will not let losing my child destroy me or define me Am I sad yes do I wish I can change it  of course i do . But i know i cant and this is my life now i just have to get up every day and keep going. I have meant people from all over the world who have lost children. I meant one in particular  who always stayed with me and I am glad I meant her. I meant her at a conference in hartford and she lost her only child a boy he committed suicide he was 16. I was getting ready to leave the conference and i saw her I walked over and hugged her and said im so sorry about your son. I told her story is so much worse than mine  and I dont know how she ever recovered having no other children  and that she is a strong woman. I never forgot what she said to me she said all our grief is the same we just have different stories to tell. …